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This Weekend
I planned on doing homework all Friday night, all day Saturday, and all day Sunday… only pausing to run 16 miles. I now have plans for Friday and Saturday night. And 16 miles is going to take me a good 3 hours… why do I do this to myself? Oh, BECAUSE I’M SICK OF SCHOOL AND DON’T WANT TO TURN DOWN PLANS TO DO BORING GRAPHIC DESIGN PROJECTS. That’s why.
In 4 months, I will be done with school forever.
In 4 months, I can relax.
In 4 months (exactly), it’s my birthday and I’ll be able to enjoy it without thinking about fucking school!4 months… that’s not that far away, right?
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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]Heartbreak Warfare
by John Mayer
album Battle StudiesJohn Mayer- Heartbreak Warfare
I’ll never get sick of listening to his music over and over again <3
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How I feel about running.
I considered not writing this post, but it must be done! If you’re looking to be inspired, avert your eyes.
I have been struggling with my running lately. Not only does my knee hurt (which is more frustrating than I can put into words), but I have negative thoughts almost every time I run. During my 13 mile run on Tuesday, I seriously questioned whether I ever wanted to put myself through training like this again. I hated it, and I was miserable. Sure, I felt pretty good afterwards, because hey, I completed something that was really fucking hard. But it wasn’t enough to make me forget how much that run sucked.
Today, my 5k was way too hard. Not like I’m not used to tough runs, but it was harder than it should have been. I should have been able to run the 5k in under 26 minutes. And I couldn’t do it. Granted, my 5k PR was after I had done a 5k training plan, with sprints and speed work, but still. I should be in the best shape of my life right now, and I’m far from it.
In March, 13.1 miles took me 2hr 15min in training, and 15 miles took me 2hr 30min. That’s a 10:00 pace. Tuesday’s 13 miles took me 2:25, which is an 11:08 pace. And that’s not even including my stretch breaks or a couple of the walk breaks where I paused my Jogtracker- cheating, I know. It’s summer, I’m injured, blah blah blah. It’s unbelievably frustrating…
I’m feeling so discouraged with running that I can’t even imagine signing up for another marathon. And honestly, I’m dreading the half marathon next weekend. I feel like I’m going run it so slow and never want to run again. I’m not even looking forward to the Chicago marathon right now. It’s going to be such torture getting through marathon training with runner’s knee and my endurance is, once again, not going to be where I want it to be. It’s a marathon… and I should just run it to finish. But I already know that I can finish… I want to improve.
Not only have I not improved any of my times, but I have gotten substantially worse, despite training hard and losing another 5 lbs. since the marathon. My eating and drinking was not so good for awhile, but I haven’t drank since last weekend (besides one margarita on Thursday night) and I’m not planning on drinking this weekend or next. I’m hoping this will magically give me more energy, because I need it. I don’t want to give up on running. I love running… but I really fucking hate it right now, too.
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Today is going to be so fun. Moving furniture and hang out with my family all day… Have I ever mentioned how much I love hanging out with my mom and my dad at the same time?
………………………………………………………………..sarcasm.
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Feeling a little better.
Nothing has been resolved, but I feel better knowing my options and knowing what potentially lies ahead. Thank you both (you know who you are) for your advice and opinions! It honestly means so much to me :)
Time for sleep and then moving heavy furniture tomorrow! Bring it.
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The highs and lows I’ve been experiencing are insane. I’m starting to think I’m bipolar.
Just kidding. Probably.
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Trying to explain my problems to my coworker and get her advice = hilarious. I never realize what fucked up situations I put myself in until I attempt to explain my life to someone.
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I almost had a panic attack when I saw a preview for Happy Feet Two. I am clearly not as sure about this decision as I thought I was. Fuuuucck.
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T minus 5 minutes! My buzz has worn off and I’m going to consume massive amounts of goldfish now.
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Oh hai thur. I could still be drinking if I wasn’t at the midnight showing of Harry Potter. Did I mention that I LOVE it when people don’t text me back?
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“We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”
Dumbledore, you are so right… but what if you don’t know which choice is right, and neither one is easy?
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I bought chips for my class to eat with the salsa I bought earlier. Don’t you wish you were in my class? I’ve been known to bring other treats, too :)
My tummy is full and my mouth is on fire. Win.
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Hopefully this depression leads to me eating less and not eating more…
#thoughtsthatactuallygothroughmyhead
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I could not be more excited for margarita night tonight
and apparently I’m going to see Harry Potter at midnight, too. Should be a good night :)
In other news, I started reading The Hunger Games today. Supposedly it’s going to be the next Harry Potter… we’ll see about that!
Is it 6:30 yet? Please?
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Classic salad, black bean soup, and an apple from Panera, 230 calories.
I don’t even like black bean soup… and this cost me $10 with the coffee! I’m giving up Panera starting tomorrow. Being a vegetarian, eating healthy, and saving money are really hard to do at the same time. I didn’t have much time today though (hence why I’m eating in my class), and Panera is right next to my school so it was kinda my only option.
